In Caregiving and in Grief, I Could Be All Seven Dwarfs, Sometimes in ONE Day!
Original ad for the movie premiere.
On this day, December 21, 1937, Walt Disney’s first full-length feature, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs premiered at the Carthay Circle Theatre in Los Angeles.
I wish I could say that I have navigated caregiving and grief like Snow White, the graceful princess who happily sang her way through taking care of the seven dwarfs to a happy ending. I do believe that at times I was that person to Ben and my dad. I was very much the cheerleader and the person who tried to keep them entertained. I was also the nurturing person who managed the details of their care, the way that Snow White kept her household together, except that I lack her stellar housekeeping skills! Alas, I relate more to the dwarfs! I’ve written about how, as a caregiver, I often felt like all seven dwarfs in the course of a single day (click here for that post). To mark this anniversary of the film’s premiere, it seems fitting to me to reflect on how, in grief as in caregiving, I can feel like all seven dwarfs- at times, within the course of a single day.
Happy– In the early days of grief, you could call me Happy in those moments when I was lost in good memories or I woke up without dreading the day and the thing that would trigger my sadness. Now, you can color me Happy when I realize that I am not just going through motions, and I actually am enjoying a moment in the present without feeling guilt.
Doc– Call me Doc as I diagnose my grief. Am I doing ok? Will people think I’m doing ok? Do I care if people think I’m doing ok? Should I care? Where should I be right now in this process? Am I “normal”?
As you can tell, Ben preferred to take my pics with the dwarfs!
Bashful– Sometimes it’s embarrassing to have a setback or to feel overwhelmed with sadness or tears, especially when I feel that people are judging how I’m grieving, how long I’m grieving, and what I am doing to continue living and reshape my life. It can be difficult to ask for help, and I’m growing too Bashful to ask people who have been listening to me to continue to do so. I’ve repeated the same things so many times, and I do wonder sometimes what people must think.
Snow White and I love Bashful!
Sleepy– There are many sleepless nights for so many reasons- recalling good and bad memories, anxiously contemplating the future and feeling the loneliness and the loss.
Walt Disney World Halloween Electrical Parade
Dopey– Being caught between the past and the present can be baffling. Sometimes I find myself buying something because Ben would have wanted it. When I get home, I am only reminded that he is no longer here, and then I do feel Dopey, and more sad. There are also times when, in the middle of nowhere, something will trigger great sadness and I will break into tears. People are generally understanding, but I still feel kind of Dopey, and Bashful, for that matter!
Not sure which of us is the real Dopey!
Grumpy– The conflicting emotions of grief definitely make me Grumpy at times. Sorry!
Ben (pre-ALS) and Grumpy, Walt Disney World, 2001
Sneezy– Still allergic to Disney, the cat! I still would not trade her for anything. She has been the greatest comfort to me.
How about you? Are you more Snow White or one or more of the dwarfs? Please share in the comments section below. If you don’t see the comment box, just click on the title of this post.